OH DEAR SHE IS WAFFLING AGAIN

Life is so strange I find it so hard to keep up with, one week I was so stressed that I had an emotional breakdown in the middle of my doctor's waiting room where I just could not stop crying and I was thinking why oh why am I so unlucky?  Then the next week I have new windows and doors put in and I am hyper and happy that I have something new the thought of a warmer house in the winter brings my mood up a couple of notches I just can not keep up.

I have lived in my house since I was 1 year old back in September 1961 my family moved in here a family of 3 boys and me, my sister lived with my nan.  I have not had the best of times in this house I remember waking up with ice inside the windows, and oil heaters all around the house which did not smell the best, we were never rich and I had to have second-hand clothes, but we had food in our tummy.  Now I could go on and on with my hard luck story and get you feeling very sorry for me, but I do not need that because I have enough of that that I do myself, I have not had the best of life never got married (bad relationships one after the other) no children but lost two on the way.  Never leaving home because mum and dad held on to me for dear life helping me to believe that I could not live without them, never allowing me to grow up or mature. 

No wonder I have turned into the mess I am now, split between a child and an adult yes that is how I feel inside a child that never had or felt like a real person.  Someone who seemed to have lived their life for everyone else and now is left alone and trying to work out what is really going on in this brain of mine.

This last year I have turned to God, I just want some Peace and Rest in my life, I am tired so very tired of this roller coaster that I am on I want to get off.  Yes I do find some peace in reading God's word and some of his principles do help, but sometimes I lose my faith and have lots of doubts, but I guess that happens to most people aye?  When I am all alone in my house and I do not want all the thoughts running around in my brain, I pick up my Bible and try to find some peace.